Blame it on Mr Kipling.

The Keto Diet is a high-fat, low carb way of eating which essentially forces the body to burn fat rather than carbohydrates.

I came across this lifestyle when I spotted the book The 8-week Blood Sugar Diet by Michael Mosley in Sainsbury's and liked the idea of being able to ward off the threat of diabetes. Both my parents suffer with Type-2 and for most of my adult life, it has been a lingering cloud of doom.

I had been happily Keto-ing for a few weeks this time round. Yup. The use of the past tense was not a mistake in this instance, I'm afraid. I'm actually mortified at how easy it was to welcome those carbs back into my life, like a long lost friend. We'd lost touch but always knew we'd reconnect again one day and when we did, boy would we make up for lost time. And I just couldn't help myself.

I blame my job. I blame my job for lots of things- lack of sleep, lack of a social life, lack of money!- but blaming this huge retail chain for my diet may be pushing things, you might think.

The bare bones of my actual role is to literally change the price tickets on special offer products. I don't see what's going on special offer, which is lucky because I am a sucker for a good BOGOF, I only notice products as they go back to full price. There is no reason for me to ever be tempted. This summer I worked loads of overtime hours on the checkouts, which I actually love as it's entirely customer-facing and I get to speak to all sorts of weird and wonderful characters. However, I also SEE what people are buying and sometimes get roped into small talk about these items. It all went downhill from the appearance of a box of Mr Kipling apple pies. I don't even like apples or pies, but something in my carb-deprived brain persistently said that these little pastry pots of joy would be so fucking delicious with a heaped spoonful of clotted cream. After much until I finished that shift...I allowed myself this little treat, thinking "It's a diet, not a punishment!" and vowed to get back on the Keto wagon the very next day. I'd even do a 18/6 fast to show commitment.

But a few days later, these bastard bags of Heroes appeared in-store and my resolve was well and truly screwed.

I'm a failure. I am incredibly ashamed of my lack of will power but I am not completely defeated yet.

I have a week ahead of celebrating two family birthdays and a massive trek back down to the south-coast. I have decided to enjoy these few days and then get back to food discipline when the kids have returned to school.

You get to a point when you realise that life is way to short to beat yourself up about small things that truly don't matter. I have birthed five children and I love food, I am never going to be a size 8 and who really cares? I have my own teeth, I have more good hair days than bad and Mr Mumbo Jumbo adores me. That's not to say that good health is heavily influenced by your lifestyle choices but I could live a clean life and still develop some awful illness. Moderation is the key. Why waste precious time on this earth pretending to like kale and banging on enthusiastically about the versatility of cauliflower when, you know....Cadbury's!

#ketodiet #ketofail #keto #dietconfessions #mrkipling #cadburysheroes #nevergonnabeasizezero #ilovefood #bitcheslovecake

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